The Style Invitational Week 945 Laugh-baked ideas
By Pat Myers, Friday, November 11, 4:38 AM
Okay, smart cookies: Send us
humor we can eat. Well, photos of humor we can eat.
Every weekend for almost 19
years, the Style Invitational — The Washington Post’s weekly humor/wordplay
contest — has brought readers smart, irreverent wit both highbrow and lowbrow,
from haughty to potty. And this week, as the holiday baking season gets
underway, we’re hungering for more than the Invite’s usual lists of puns and one-liners:
We want something we can sink our teeth into.
This week: Cleverly depict a
person, event or phenomenon of the 21st century — real history as well as
scenes from movies, books, videos, etc. — using edible materials, and send us a
photo of your creation. All visible parts of your entry, except a backdrop and
a base, must be made of something edible — and we mean people-edible, not
your-destructive-dog-edible. (On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be tasty;
we’re not eating your photo.) If you’re using a piece of produce or a nut, you
don’t have to peel it.
Your entry may be anything
from a single decorated cookie to an elaborate gingerbread diorama. It can be
of any size. You have to make the significant elements yourself; for example,
you can buy a plain gingerbread man and decorate it as President Obama, but you
can’t use a Gingerbread Obama you got at the bakery. (While the foods you use
don’t have to be traditional winter-holiday items, don’t use Peeps – save them
for WP Magazine’s popular springtime diorama contest.)
You may not use Photoshop or
other editing to materially change the appearance of your creation (rather than
to fix lighting, etc.). And you can’t enter something that’s already been
published online or in print.
Send your photo by 11:59 p.m.
Monday, Nov. 28 — we’re extending our usual deadline past Thanksgiving weekend
— as an attachment to an e-mail to , with “Week 945” in the subject line. Most
likely it’ll be your own photo that we print or publish online, so make sure
that it’s a high-resolution JPEG (200 dpi, 6 to 8 inches wide or tall)and that
it makes your entry look its best. We are not accepting snail-mail photos for
this contest.
In your e-mail, include the
following:
●No more than two
photos as high-resolution JPEG attachments (200 dpi, 6 to 8 inches wide or
tall).
●A clever title, if you
have one. The Style Invitational is renowned for wordplay.
●A list of the
materials you used for the various elements of your entry. Creative choices are
a plus.
●Your real name(s) — no
pseudonyms. The Invitational usually discourages entries sent jointly, but this
week is an exception; feel free to have your family or friends contribute.
We’re extending the deadline till Nov. 28 so you can play around with this over
the Thanksgiving weekend.
●The postal address of
the first person you’re crediting; the best phone number to reach you; and the
best e-mail address to reach you. The Empress may have to talk to you about
your photo.
●Anything else you’d
like to include to convince us how goshdarn cool and clever your entry is
(except, you know, bribes).
●The contest will be
judged as usual by yours truly, the Empress of the Style Invitational. This
time, however, the E will consult with staffers of The Post’s Style and Food
sections. Entries will be judged for humor, originality, craft and
ingeniousness. You may submit as many individual entries as you like; send each
entry on a separate e-mail with all the requested information.
Winners will be announced and
several of them pictured in the Dec. 18 Sunday Style section — and if we have
something fabulous, we’ll put it on the cover. (They’ll probably be posted
online Dec. 16.) The honorable mentions will appear online in a photo gallery.
Entries must be submitted to
losers@washpost.com by 11:59 Eastern time on Monday, Nov. 28. Include “Week
945” in your e-mail subject line or it may be ignored as spam. You should
receive an auto-reply within an hour of your submission. If you don’t get the
auto-reply, please e-mail the Empress at myersp@washpost.com by the next
morning, and she’ll make sure your entry comes through. (The text of the
auto-reply refers to regular Invitational contests; the rules listed here
overrule anything on the auto-reply that contradicts them, such as an entry limit.)
The prizes are primarily Fame
and Glory — not available in stores! There are also these more tangible but
monetarily worthless items, the regular Style Invitational prizes:
The winner receives the
Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. (Having an entry published in
the Invite is called “getting ink,” and the [oxy]moronic “Winning Loser” on the
head bag refers to the community of Invitational regulars, the Losers, named
after the coveted runner-up prizes.)
Runners-up will receive the
lusted-after Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug. We usually have three
runners-up but we may be more magnanimous this time, depending on the
fabulousness of the entries. Honorable mentions will receive a colorful Style
Invitational magnet designed by our cartoonist, Bob Staake: either the “Sunday
Drivel” or the “Middle-Wit Champion.”
Contestants must be 13 or
older to enter indivually. If you are younger than 13, please have a parent,
guardian or teacher submit your entry along with you. Employees of The Washington
Post or their immediate families are not eligible to enter. See the rules and
guidelines for the Invitational in general (some rules on that list, such as an
entry limit, are overruled by the rules above), as well as dozens of earlier
contests, at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational.
If you have a question about
the contest, you may e-mail the Empress at myersp@washpost.com — please include
“Week 945” somewhere in the subject line so it will be read promptly. She’ll
get back to you within a day or two.
Report from Week 941, in which we asked you to tell us some quotes that
someone in particular (real or fictional, past or present) would NOT say: Among
those too frequently submitted were “But enough about me,” etc., for such
modest figures as Donald Trump, Charlie Sheen, Oprah Winfrey and Alan
Dershowitz; Christopher Hitchens saying, “God bless you.” “Please, no photos!”
for the reclusive Kardashians, Paris Hilton and the like. Donald Trump asking
for a little off the top. And from James Bond: “Stirred.”
The winner of the Inker
“Well, I’m no Einstein,
but . . .” — Einstein (Larry Flynn, Greenbelt, Md.)
2. Winner of the Mr. Bill
doll that seems to say “Oy, vey” instead of “Oh no”: “Pass me the rock! I’m
open in the low post!” – Danny DeVito (David Genser, Poway, Calif.)
3. “Keep it simple, stupid.”
— Rube Goldberg (Chetan Sabnis, Rockville, Md., a First Offender)
4 “Thx fr the gift! ;-)” —
Miss Manners (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)
Lowering their cites: honorable mentions
“Love, love me do. You know I
love you. I’ll always be true . . .” — Bob Dylan (David
Ballard, Reston, Va.)
“Just call me B.O.” — Barack
Obama (David Garratt, Glenn Dale, Md.)
“Give him a break — he’s had
a rough day.” — Gen. George Patton (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)
“Oh, well, there are plenty
of other fish in the sea.”— Ahab (Steven Seymour, Clarksburg, Md.)
“I’m speechless!” – Fidel
Castro (Rich Laska, Bartow, W.Va., a First Offender)
“Remember: 999. That’s 666
upside down.” — Herman Cain (Fred Dawson, Beltsville, Md.)
“Hey, watch me spray this
whole jar of Cheez-It into my mouth!” — Michelle Obama (David Genser)
“Hi! My name is Joe, and I’d
love to have your vote.” – Stalin (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery Ala.)
“I play for the other team,
Moneypenny.” — James Bond (John McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
“I need to tell you: I’m
seeing someone else.” — Adam (Larry Flynn; Robert Schechter, Dix Hills, N.Y.)
“Imagine all the people,
sharing all the world.” — Daniel Snyder (Jay Tingley, Vienna, Va., a First
Offender)
“Have you tried counting
sheep? You’d be surprised how well it works.” — Conrad Murray (Kathye Hamilton,
Annandale, Va.)
“That virago inveigled me.” —
Marion Barry (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
“Rarely is the question
asked: Is our children learning?” – Cicero (Nandini Lal, Bethesda, Md.)
“I’m just gonna try my best
and hope I don’t embarrass myself.” — Muhammad Ali (Melissa Balmain, Rochester,
N.Y.., a First Offender)
“Ha! That’s a good one — I’ve
never realized my name sounded like that! — Albert Pujols (Richard Wong, Derwood,
Md.)
“Don’t get me started.” —
Calvin Coolidge (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, Md.)
“O’er the ramparts we watched
were so gallantly streaming” — Christina Aguilera (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney,
Md.)
“If you want to know more
about what I stand for, just Google my name.” – Rick Santorum (Robert
Schechter)
“I did not have sex with that
woman.” — Hugh Hefner (John Glenn, Tyler, Tex.)
“Get your cooties off me!” —
Mother Teresa (Brad Alexander, Wanneroo, Australia)
“For quality assurance and
training purposes, this call may be monitored or recorded.” — Rupert Murdoch
(Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
“And they lived happily ever
after” — Stephen King (Michele Uhler, Fort Washington, Md.)
“Why, yes, I would like fries
with that.” — Julia Child (Dave Zarrow, Reston, Va.)
“Do these chaps come in size
6?” — Ruth Bader Ginsburg (Diane Carr, Arlington, a First Offender)
“I would like to thank the
Academy . . .” — Keanu Reeves (Wayne Rodgers, Satellite Beach,
Fla.)
“Man, I could just kill for a
steak right now.” — Gandhi (Perry Beider, Silver Spring; Bird Waring,
Larchmont, N.Y.)
“Look at all these freakin’
leaves! I’m gonna cut that darn thing down.” — Joyce Kilmer (Beverley Sharp)
“I’m of the opinion that
those who question American hegemony are being either disingenuous or
facetious.” — Snooki (Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
“Do these jeans make my butt
look too big?” — Jennifer Lopez (Carole Long, Laurel, a First Offender; Mary
Bernstein, Oak Park, Ill.)
“Do these jeans make my butt
look too big?” — John Wayne (Bonnie Speary Devore, Gaithersburg)
“This body is a temple.” —
Chris Christie (Dale Hample, Silver Spring, Md.; Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.)
“This is a pile of $#@$%#$!
And you can quote me!” – Washington Post Executive Editor Marcus Brauchli (Nan
Reiner, Alexandria, Va.; Christopher Lamora)
“I was a drum major for
justice, peace, and righteousness.” — Martin Luther King Jr. (Jay Cummings,
Greenbelt, Md.; Ira Allen, Bethesda, Md.; Ted Weitzman, Olney, Md.)
“All the winning entries are
way funnier than mine were — no wonder I didn’t get ink this week.” — Style
Invitational contestant (Mae Scanlan, Washington)
(Next
week’s revised title is by Chris Doyle; this week’s honorable-mentions
subhead is by Kevin Dopart.)
Next week: Singular Ideas, or Levity: The
Solo Wit